6/20/2016 0 Comments About BedroomsSleeping in a living room for the majority of the school year, I have forgotten how lovely bedrooms can be. In a bedroom, you can take a quiet and peaceful mid-day nap. You can seclude to shed a tear, despite the presumptive irrationality of your crying. You can lay on you back, stare at the ceiling and unknowingly meditate into the abyss. You can prop you your pillows into the corner of the bedroom, curl up into you sheets, and accidentally fall asleep to the words of your favorite author.
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6/19/2016 0 Comments There will always be a messA new thing to know about me.. I am unusually clean about my environment. Not always, when I am (east cost) home I usually relax a little. Sometimes I can be convinced not to worry about the dirty floors or mess of homework papers but it is not easy. This is because after the time that I was in a depression, I determined two things that I needed in my life to be happy - order and challenge.
I needed and still need lists of what I am going to do in a day. Likewise, I have to have difficult goals and plans to achieve them. This small idea manifested from my personality, yet I think it may be useful for most people. If we want clarity in our mind, ordering our environment and lives is likely to help. Anyways, I don't underestimate the importance of order and challenge, not at all. I don't want to feel the sadness that I did before to such an extent that I sense a need to eliminate disorder almost immediately after spotting it. I try hard to do this but what I have noticed is that the world is made of disorder and I can't get rid of it. If not in my home, then it is easily found on the streets... in the litter, in the fights of neighbors... I can't control those things. 6/16/2016 0 Comments Additions!!!!I've created a new tab called Academia. Essentially, this is my studies, documented. The subjects (currently) are metaphysics, philosophy, international studies, political science, sociology, psychology and art. These aren't just the subjects I'm taking classes on at school, but my longstanding curiosities. Right now, the arena is a little on the desolate side but, it will fill up! I will post some of my essay assignments (edited slightly for clarities sake), reading notes, and well.. I'm not exactly sure where this will go.. Exiting places I hope!
6/16/2016 0 Comments On Body ImageThere have been times in my life where the idea that I think about body image has been shameful.. "You shouldn't bother with thinking about that.. In order to get better, you need to remove yourself from the subject." Well.. maybe those thoughts doesn't work so easily. I mean, it is pretty clear to me that there is a huge problem in our society (which I do perceive to be getting better but maybe that is because I am not 13 anymore and very concerned with fitting in.. but just because I am not the target anymore doesn't mean that thousands of girls are being targeted).
Were kind of under attack. Not very physical (well, actually, yeah pretty physical when you consider abuse and rape) but for this, I'm talking about a mental siege. Messages are sent to us every day, every hour, every time you get out of your unobstructed mind and take at what is being sold to us. I don't really think I can stop that but maybe I can put out another message. In order to feel better about your body, you have to feel better about your body. Alright, I know I sound like a round-a-bout smart ass but I don't mean to be. So yeah, it's a simple thought. But particularly difficult. At some point, you have to stop thinking that I WILL feel better IF I do XXX. Because that statement doesn't do anything for you right now. It's sort of useless, at least in the present moment. It's a message used against us... one with a huge financial profit. So much has told you to not feel good about yourself but, there is no reason for that. Sure, you've been wrong before. You've done things you wish you didn't and maybe there have been times you could have a been a better person, or... more the person you want to be. But please, forgive yourself. Move on. You want to like yourself. That is at least what you are saying. So, if it is about self love, you can only be the person you wan to be with action. Act kindly, hold your self to a high standard and appreciate yourself for it. If this has been difficult for you for a while (like it was for me) it is likely that you aren't going to immediately leap into self love.. maybe self contentment. And that is okay. 5/12/2016 0 Comments Alright,I have a 12 page paper to write in four days. I have to have a rough draft of this tomorrow and my day does not leave much room for this. I have been working early and late every day for two weeks now... and it is a lot. Working, going to school, and trying to keep a 4.0 GPA is not an easy task. But, I can't really handle myself any other way. Hopefully I will be able to write a longer, more pleasant post on Saturday or Sunday as there is tons of pleasantness to write on.
5/3/2016 0 Comments May 03rd, 2016I really don't know how to write about this subject as it is of a somewhat unusual nature. I typically discuss my problems here. I know how to elaborate on my opinions of mold, stress, and other concerns. The simplicity of happiness is so abstract, though. Do I elaborate on the reasons for my happiness, or envision my future for you? What's the protocol here?
4/28/2016 0 Comments A quote,"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single one, and its life will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." -Buddha Subject A, Last night,
There is mold in my apartment. Gross, green, black, blue, disgusting mold on my ceiling which, in fact, has been there all along. I've always known about this mold. I didn't think it was a big deal. That is, until LAST NIGHT when I made the connection: Mold plus A Weak Immune System Asthmatic Marisa results in Constant Sickness. And? I am always sick. (Comment, I am fortunate to be only experiencing the symptoms of the common cold/ flu. I am still very lucky to have the health I do and I can change my situation. This isn't a lasting illness which so many people do have whom I sometimes don't acknowledge.) So, I am going to the doctor this weekend to see what's up. Subject A, complete. Subject B, My morning. I had a wonderful morning. I haven't had such a wonderful morning (BTW, any day I make the decision to not work on immediately pressing matters and blog instead is usually a symptom of feeling wonderful. Feeling wonderful goes hand in hand with doing wonderful things). I woke up at 6:30 because Amy went to work and I just can't sleep through very much in the morning. I rolled around for a bit, made breakfast, tidied up, got dressed, ate my beautiful oatmeal with blueberries and drank a cold glass of apple juice (feeling youthful), looked up TEDx events in the Northwest (trip to North California soon, hmm hmmm), watched a video of Ted Cruz as an evil 18 year old seeking world domination, and played some guitar. Now I am here, at local coffee shop number 2. The barista threw in a muffin to my order.... and it was an very nice moment. Soon, I will organize my notes for my International Studies class which I have in two hours (we don't have a textbook which is making this unfortunately difficult in terms of conceptualizing class material....) then soon after I will try to catch up in Calc. That's all folks 4/28/2016 0 Comments As Told by Yours Truly May 1st is the day when Reed College sends out its acceptance decisions for transfer students. This is a highly academic college where I can study till the ends of the earth and come out with a brain 1.25 in size. Well, it doesn't work that way, but you get my gist. And I so much want to be a part of this community. Fortunately, I've been thinking about what I'd do if I were rejected (which is a high possibility). I see that my success as based on my work, not based on the environment in which I am working. I can do whatever the fuck I want and at any time can be as happy as I desire. (Plus, I've told my self I am allowed to get a dog if I am not going to a private school......)
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